BECCAS BACK BACK BACK, BACK AGAIN…

Triumphunt tuesday

Despite my ever so massive slight, issue with the fact i was being truely self praising and following formats such as

up 6.40am,shower,bodybutter,makeup,dressed,porridge,empty(in2minutes30)+filldishwasher,eat,teeth and be ready for cheshire oaks, miene schwester, whom got in just over 3 hours prior to me getting up was not.
In the end mother and a I headed up there in the freelanderrr- a 60 plate,aooohoo, and yes as usual at the moment 😦 i had had rather a full blown anger because quite frankly i can’t cope when my plans are determined by then, and it is completely different to when my plans such as hour or place of eating a changed it’s when mum says she is doing one thing and another is done, or infact nothign is when i could have, been doing something else.

And it is also something i really really fail to back down and accept, a floor of my own however comme ce comme ca.
On arrival i pretty much legged it to the oh so rather dissapointing ralph lauren, giving all previous shoppers who had the bag evils..
silly billy!

anyway it was a fun day even if the onlypurchases made really did seem to be urm.. chocolate, lindt, a bra, chocolate, coffeee.. yeah that’s it.

Truth is recently i’ve been a mess, and a half,. it’s my own doing i suppose but it isn’t brilliant, i require to be busy and keep going mad at myself for not being, i’d rather be time wasting than  relaxing some time, it seems i do not wish to the discuss the matter, but masking it doesn’t help, nore does making it evident within this household but heyho.

anyhow; it was then back home for a scone and jam with a cup of tea..

Wow, i didn’t realise it had been a whole week!

Well i never, time flys eh?

well, indeed it does it’s a whole year since our hemmingsfamily last minute shopping trips- fainting in m&s antics!(well the latter were my own)..

what’s been occurin’ then..

Thursday 16th

so after my Manchester Mission thursday i dragged my self up, with quite an adrenaline and wrapped presents for Bill (bus driver) & My secret santa, vicky, it was a man on a mission off to school- i say school: the building i attend, everything seemed all over the place, not literally but in terms of what was happening this being.. it was panto day

the panto i had longed and asked to be in.. yes

the panto i most certainly wasn’t involved in in the slightest.. yes

I honestly can’t believe it’s been a whole week; well really it hasn’t because i’ve a distinct feeling i back dated the previous but still!

Christmas time, so after the panto and getting my mock back C- balls.
we made a discovery of biquits in the cupboard- s-core so it was a pink lady, cup of tea, hobnob shanangan

Ellie had also made christmas tree shortbreads.. but i must admit wasn’t a fan so apart from a nibble on the icing it wasn’t a winner.

After about an hour i walked to town to meet mum, infact i got a lift half way: lazy poo.Thanks George! and then i went into town and faffed in Barclays: you see i heard there was free gingerbread inside.. not that i got any after all that, and i wasn’t digging mince pies from outside, haven’t really been all year!

then i made the silly mistake yet again of going to starbucks where i got a skinny gingerbread cappuccino- PANTS and then walked to tesco where i met mother,we then came home, and i no longer recall any of that day

Saturday: in true typical style i planned to go to G dawgs but didn’t get up when i should have but after a few too many shanananagans and a bowl of porridge i got a lift to the bus stop and went to Gabi’s.. the plan was to

OH I REMEMBER: snow snow snow snow, snow.

ANYWAY the plan was to wwear home clothes and bed+ high school musical it, she was a tad ill so instead i had a ‘daymmm good cup of coffee’ from auntie fi, followed by decorating these little munchkins

home made sausage rolls

and then i walked into town with my dead phone and went to number 45, i love that shop canihaveitallplease pondered, bought some wrapping paper and then walked to the phone box where,thank goooooodness i managed to leave my sister a 60pence phone message which quickly ordered that i’d be  at the back of b and m, then it was a case of cook, eat, babysitting

Babysitting was truely lovely: apartfromtheslightproblemwhengracewouldn’tbrushherteeth, and we watched the cube, followed by- well no, they didn’t watch this – take me out and, despite being sleepy, i ‘revised’ – a word and task i must tackle, whilst being accompanied by Bridgeeeet!!(Jones) mylove for that film is no longer so great. can’t beat a bite of hugh grant though; just saying

Sunday dad picked me up ala 10sih? and we popped to countrywide and focus, where i got some greatly discounted decorations and lights- willimayneedtoputupstill, then it was home, i again can’t quite remember what i did, walk with the dogs- my hands nearly fell off and dad and mum went to fetch me all of this, now i am going to dedicate a new post to all things christmasy, to which there’s a fair amount. (notice the lack of food content, it was present; believe me, just aint reached my agenda)

Monday: My memory has just gone and it’s ridicusmous (i shall check my twitter later) it’s quite a shame i was being quite well behaved.. OH. waking with a long to go to cheshire oaks; we didn’t. haha, and instead i faffed for a severly long amount of time before i then missed bus after bus and mum took me to mr man getting there we did my weight etc and stuff and he basically said he thought it was a tad pointless, thanks i walked into town where mum was still but made the stupid decision to spend an hour in boots faffing at a machine where i selected 90 photo’s for it to crash, me to reselect them and stupidly- armed with 1204u324- exageration ? never. memory cards and stress levels increasing didn’t select just another 100 which would have cost an extra £3.. in comparrison to the £27 on the first lot. ah well, then it was off to costa as i thought i might faint. a helishly frothy cappuccino witttth i think i went for gingerbread syrup, topshop where i bought myself a few goodies. i must stop buying presents from me too me! and then literal run to the bus which was oh so luckily late and then meeting mum in haughton, home.. exhaustion and consumption of stupid grazings. left over pork dinner for tea omnomnom.Made up the photo albums for nan and mother, finished the tree?

Tuesday: well, i never.. it may be a good thing i avoided blogging on this day, it was simply a complete mess.

i’m not too sure what happened but i went from numerous plans to quite frankly nothing- walked the dogs and i think that might be quite frankly it.notice how i’m not mentioning it, i am going to do some other posts more detailed so i will do then- eats: urmmm butternut squashh/sweetpotato and sausage and stuff.

Wednesday get’s a new post, it was only yesterday

so i’m not being overlytalkative

sucks, promise i will i will i will!

xxxxxx

Wonderwoman Wendesday

The irony of the (i’m no good at English Okay) name.

So, awake at 6:40 am and WHAM dads overslept when i haven’t and he’s in the shower. booom,shower,moisturize you know the routine.
then selection of clothing
where was i off to..
MANCHESTER
i was off to visit Adam and orginally the Jack Wills evening shopping even’t but the lady told me they had sold out… WRONG: that’s right i went.
So after making theseeeeeeeeee (salad in foil.. and2slicesofmycakeanddasisals) and my blueberrie porridge it was bus, car?bus debation to which mother drove me..
and then after an argument
i left my phone, lifeline, most important item that right blush myphone in the car.. and realised ONCE i was on the train and got my£17.50 adults, sorry but i am not mature enough in this situation to be charged that.. nor are my bussums anylonger FORTHEMOMENT.
I finally after deliberately trying to act panic pulling the ipod,purse,purse,tissues,food,apple,water,makeup(eventhoughidon’twearanyreally)bag, foot support out of my bag.. pucked up the courage and asked this lady who had a mulberry bag to borrow hers.
Knowing it was adam at the other end and vaigley remembering telling him what time was a reassurance i guess. i phoned and lou answered telling me my mother was beside herself- she’s the one that made me get out before we’d got there.. and anyway all in all i got there in one peice sighofrelief

The day consisted of, i never really took manchester in to account at first i was still a bit wwwwwwwwwwwoooo without my phone.
It wasn’t that i wanted it to text and so on
but i did keep creating mental tweets i couldn’t tweet
it was just no reasurring textsto mother and so on- which actually was a nice break.
we wentto jackwills and got my ticket for the evening event
then pondered in areas like the german market, *cinnamon/gingernut/salamewsamples,chocolate,chutneys throughout the day score.

First milestone of a stop was :                                      Simply Divine                                                                      JAVA COFFEE HOUSE
                                                                                  number 2 on the telegraph best coffee shop list.
             ooooh lalala
  

then from there it was just, oooh a lovely relaxed despite on the feet somehow rushing and moan a tad day but lunch was..

A Phillpotts special,
 thai chicken with peppers and sweet-chilli mayonaisee.. admitedly two consumption times..

check me out
mahhhhhhoooosive lot of this
do i care that what i chose was firstly(strangelynotbritish)
butthaichickencoveredinmayo..no
and the roll was hideously large
urm no?
and i just accepted it and ate it..
okay so i had a tantrum and demanded somewhere to sit but sh 😉
other munches were…

                                                                                                  
a dutch caramel waffle with my costa coffordian

some waitrose grapes – i had to visit all the waitroses because adam loves.
urm oh BOTH slices of the cinnamonnytealoaf i took with me (sh)
half a mince pie at jack wills- it was free.. youknowme.
a celebration at jackwills- it was also free.;

I sound quite breif and listy, but what i was was that it was just lovely
when i looked back
i’d eaten what i wanted,when i wanted, the cake i’d taken and worried i would eat for the hell of it, yes i had eaten but i was peckish.
No i didn’t have a struedel.. and they did look good.. but i would have complained a tad too much.

i FINALLY got my secret santas present
and some hand cream for mother
and some snowdonia black bommer cheese for my brother *igotshoppytoolate*
before we headed to Jack Wills for that evening event i was talking about
i got myself a pair of joggers to redeem the money back,
some bitches found it hilareous i saw them talking about me but face bothered? no
now i’m rushing because i want a cup of tea and i will
regret*still a topic i need to discuss* rambling and not listing all the things i keep creating in the shower.. i meantopics!

NOT A CLUE WHERE THE REST OF THIS POST HAS GONE.

right well, i’m off xxx

Try me, Tuesday

* As i did so and regretted so in Africa,i’m now technically back logging my blog- i know i know, it’s more a documentation and list of what i did that day and well, a regret of mine-speaking of which regrets (i’d save for the correct date of today friday but that’s one quality i don’t have, saving things; i.e.. when the good foods gone.. it’s gone., When the money has gone.. it has gone. – I’m an avid spender yet i freak out at my mother when she doesn’t go elsewhere and falls for all the supermarket traps, causing ‘you’re a control freak’ arguments.. which occur on a three day a week at least basis.. followed by the’no, you just know i’m right and can’t accept it’.. which does, sadly but truthely so spiral into the possible ‘I HATE YOU’ ‘I’M LEAVING HOME’.. well no i’m not actually because i love my room too much. HOWEVER, when she calls my haven room ‘not even that tidy’ now that is just asking for abuse.
Verbal- thank you very much *elvistone*.
Anyway; never do i mean hate, ever.
But practising quite literally the different methods of screaming,yelling,crying,calmlysaying,rambling.. just to be heard
it has become rather apparent they don’t ever want to know
fine, be like that. But do not complain when i haven’t informed you of my every single move.

The lack of structure in my families lives is something which (pleaseexcuseme) where was i. Oh yes,
Despite being told i live in a fantasty, cloud cooco, dream, everyone says that rebecca, better work hard,better marry a rich man world
it is without a doubt fact, and documented (due to my spectacular lists..which reminds me i must sort through because the one i am on at the moment ‘the one the only to do list’ really isnt the one the only.. at all! but anyway
that i will have the perfect: which in my terms doesn’t mean perfect as in proportioned correctly..
i sort of got over the ‘if my house isn’t semmetryical it wont be my house’ and the sims designs of houses as i did grow up.
realisation is quite a bummer eh?!
And i am also coming to terms with the fact that, if my mum dad myself and siblings live here, with what some would desrcibe as a nice lifestyle and home (apart from my mother, who- i just wish had seen what i have seen (Africa) who constantly proclaims that basically she’d rather live on emmerdale.. then contradicts her self with. I WOULDN’T CARE LESS IF I HAD A CARDBOARD BOX; yeah, right.

SPeaking of which it was something i discussed with my besty the other month or so ago. is it bestie or y( i’m going to go y, but it is ie ) that many people do see me as the materilistic person who wouldn’t survive without her topshop,jack wills, crew(despitehowihardlyownany.w.ev) Uggs and the mugs tea coffee high life afternoon tea, meals out, and a perfect room.. with cath kidston and this that and the other.. and i don’t know how to describe it:
but happily i climbed Mt Kenya, okay the porters assisted me in terms of the fact i was an anorexic(inwhatithoughtwasrecoverybutisupposeitwasbecauseihadtocomedown
thatroadtogethereandyes it was ‘self inflicted’ – unintentionally though if you please. ) ant, but along side that, i’ve walked bear foot in cow poo, i’ve scoooped god knows how many shovells of dog poo – naice facts becs, i’ve emptyied plugs, i’ve done the washing i’ve done borders, cut hedges, cleaned garages, got my nails and hands like mens.. so i suppose what i was going to say, until my mind has led me astray and i’m naughtily wanting my apple just because it is 11; theoretically speaking i get to consume all i usually have by this hour (this should be friday) just because.
But the point of which i think i am making, is that
when i say ‘i don’t mind’ unless, okay it is a case of ‘pleaspleaspleassayicanhavebothdad’ or not wanting to say the wrong thing i really don’t!
I have a balance, it may be an unbalanced balance cause that works.. but i hope and no i am determined to ensure work play balance is correctly.. balanced. SAMBALANCE (slightoutburstofjesusstopusingthatwordit’s11youhave3moredaystofillinandhaven’tevenexplainedtheperfecthouse)
Anyway, take today for example: My sister is going to newport.. but instead my mum doesn’t just ask her to get the salt for the water softener, oh no so when i am then seen as the ‘tell tale’ by informing mysister, instead of them just deciding actually it would make sense. They are still going to go seperately and me and mum will no doubt argue because i like to be able to plan my day and as noone in this family plans..
Dad has admitted he looks no further than 30 minutes ahead, we end up with ‘what are we doing this weekend’..tomorrow’ ‘i don’t know’ .. ‘why’.. ‘jsut wondered(genuinely’ ‘why what did you want to do’ ‘nothing, well something’ ‘what’ well i dont know y’know i just wondered *inputfromsisterormum*’DOES IT MATTER’ ‘well yes.. you’re my family’ and so on
i suppose i should give in and then the result i concluded from that would be ‘spontaneous plans’ in which i optimistically schedule bacon and egg buttys and trips out which aren’t going to happen
the transaction between living today for today, today for tomorrow and tomorrow for your life*madeitup* is hard for me
i like to plan and be organised
i dream of spontaneous whisked off feet plans
i silently wish for certain trips i’d love to go on
i proclaim the honest fact i don’t mind
and well, it isn’t going to change?
pointless blog, ch’yeah but oh well.
So!
Tuesday..
urm tuesday..
haha google reminder just told me to have my apple AFTERTHISPOSTOKAY.
Tuesday, oh.. Yes.

Well no i can rememeber the latter part just not the first..
latter consisted of numerous WELL WHEN ARE YOU LEAVING
(this post is rather voiced) wednesday’s not it’s all cool. arguments and finally i was off to school(sorry i’m getting sleepy and ditchin’ tuesday) afterrrrrrrrrr a take out cost cinnamon cappuccino and for the business exam which i got a c in. uhoh. – not bovvered.
(didn’t revise, was late, faffing OPTIMISM)
then it was home on the bus andddddddddd walked to nans with some cottage pie?
oh guys i don’t rememeber.
apple and coffee?
(giving up caffiene today, nahhhhhhhhh)
sorry for the ramble and ill structured mannerism
love xxxxxxx

Moving on Monday

Well good evening, i have to say when i opened this page up i was feeling quite unlike tweeting- probably because it’s a blog and what i meant to say was blogging.
This morning was my oh so typical ,alarm goes off at 6.40.. 7:17 ‘Becs have you seen the time’ calls mum, ‘yeah i know’ replies the oh so unhonest daughter who then bolts out of bed and into the shower room, it was a leave hair up day.. bad choice but heytoho.
shower,bodybutter,attemptmakeup,dressed..
search for the missing school skirt which resulted in stealing- i mean borrowing back.. okay so taking.. aquiring! 😉 Back ones’ own skirt from le swestchers bedroom floor.. or so to call it wardrobe eh lou!
then it was make the breakfast, then decided to make a salad.. with the remaining shocking dismal lettuce etc the rashons of the fridge portray, and eat frozen sort of banana with my oats because we were also out of berries.. bad times, however i made quite a do with the jaspers rolls i then defrosted and concocted this selection:

after breakfast, teeth, faffing..
it was out of the door and on to the back of the mini bus
well, Becs’s natural instincts must be somewhat radar
guess which amazing bus driver had given us all a box of celebrations for the week. score!
also pretty handy as i only took a pink lady, doves farm digestive for my break so a sweet little; well sweeet 😉
at school we perhaps went up to the room i have never entered before to straighten sandeeps hair. BADASSSSES.
then it was a free. well art.. although who knows what i’m up to
where i did some revision notes that i garuntee haven’t entered my brain, speaking of Business, we have a mock tomorrow. Who is going to unoptimistically admit failure right now? Oneself, here come the excuses.
Anyhow, after a breif mention of the pleasing kirst and phils homegrown christmas with Mrs Shakesheave and a oh so dirty debate over strawberry jam and ready salted crisp sandwiches with Jack. which i still conclude IS permitable, i would deteste it now i know but what goes, goes.
Then it was powerpowerpowerwalk to town
where i bashed my boney ankles 😦
race to the soup kitchen, deliver a.. perhaps had a bit of food on it, shh timetable to them. race to the bus.. getthe bus and thankfully mum then met me and bought me back, where i stamped all of the addressed christmas cards whilst consuming the meal mentioned
with perhaps some additional naked (ohlala) tyrells, my advent and raw mincemeat- as you do.
then it was change change change
*insert full blown argument fight here*
and resulted in my sister racing me to the bus stop, where i then raced to b and m and qeued behind tres annuyeux personne et purchased chewing gum which has left my mouth so scewiff it hurts to a large extent.
then it was off up to meet my best friend at somewhereiwontmention.
and no i haven’t been naughty, just their life okay! 🙂
and then it was to jaspers to purchase my lovely stock of..
4 granary rolls
2 wholemeal and a rather spontaneous
finger roll (granary ofcourse)
If i was food i would be a granarybreadoat,apple,berrie,coffee,cappuccino,worthersoriginal,sortofsaladwithcucumber,jacketpotatos,prawns,ham,grapes,porkcrackling-infacttoomuchtolist.
and then off to waitrose where i bought my
twitpiccedlist of
pink ladays
a butternut squaaaaaash
nairns fruit and spice oat cakey bisquits
berry mix (dried)
blueberries
sugar free polo’s
1% milk
then a few little okay may aswel;
walnut pieces
poppyseeds
prawns
green and blacks cocoa
(i would have captured the load but i was too late)
you see mum also bought the family foods it’s just miss piggy needed her additional requirements et als.
oh some stem ginger for good measure!
then i got the paper and some douge edgburts pure gold from haughton with the paper and walked back.
before demolishing tooo many carrots for my own good (out of the in manufacturing cottage pie)
which i then stole far to many of the carrots swede mushrooms meat parsnip onions in both my belly and le crueset pot where i established my own, however the unpictured consumption would be honestly three more portions of this 🙂 and it looked b-eautiful. takes a perfectionist though eh.
My cocoa was also enjoyed after.
and the froth i perfected of loubylou’s hot chocolit.
And more broccoli and cottage pie.
it wouldn’t be so bad but i class it as just vegetables.
I know i know i know firstly there was no point in trying to get the laptop up and running andd that i seriously should have been revising for that looooming business mock tomorrow afternoon
but I am me. and well, a let down.
Tomorrows plans are 8.30 breakfast/shower, then i’m sort of blarzay, i mean i need to do some shopping but would probably go with no intentions, buy food and coffee and ponder. All i know is the pack up plan would be to go up later on for school at 2 35. so that would mean the 1.34/2 bus at the verhverh latest.; after dinner really.
OH! so nearly forgot dearests
fruit cake tea loaf thing was sampled today;
not bad, verh verh moist and probably required much longer but me likes / it’s a verh nice
Sadly we couldn’t get anymore of the bonsai tree christmas lights, and at the moment i am stuck with tacky nooffence to others, blue lights on the tree i have half heartedly decorated.
Anyhow, once i’ve uploaded these photographs and quit unproductive rambling considering there were things such as
why did i have the roast dinner but leave half the yorkshire and roast i did want.. and deserve eh.. does it make anyone else around me die or obese. *familyfortunessound* no.
I’m not too sure of the christmas plans, we may be having all of the family around.

WELL I AM GOING TO BE A GRUMPY GRUMP NOW.
the internet just lost the end of this entry, i’m going to grab my camera, zoooooom you- how relevant to photography, some pictures and then it’s bed time for this sillybilly
xxxxx

Splendid Sunday

Theres so many things i want to say and shall do before halfpast, or probably 10
But first of all I need a rant
So isuccesfully got up undrew curtains, showered9leavinghairbuttakingevenlonger, bodybuttered without cacooning in town, tidyied room got dressed, came downstairs, fetched paper, emptyied dishwasher, emptyied tumbler,took towels up fileld washer and dish washer tidyied sitting room undrew curtains tidyied up and so on
Then oh yes in true style as I go to eat my breakfast dad comes down lights a cigarette starts the sighing and puts a damner on things
It just annoys me when I say what I we doing today and I get the response dunno yet
Well quite frankly its 9@13
He then pursues In making a mess, and shoving a plate in MY faceas if to say out this away
Stop pissing me off and gt out of the kitchen
Its not that I am obsessive or domineering but when I do stuff and tidy and so on I therefore think I DESERVE the most
Dad is akready angering me as we speak because his tone on the phone is just simply ridiculous, now he is going to slob over the granate oh no mum has come to hog magazines
Oh my gosh
In true style
Richard is calling in a bacon sandwich
Oh for goodness sake. Richard is ruiuning the good start to Sunday
Must not speak.
I remained calm and for that I am proud, it puts a slight dampner on things when mum reflects it onto my washing folding techniques, but as patroniinnh as it sounds she cant help it

So it’s bordering on 10 and yet again today has no plans, breakfast eaten and all of the above done
I suppose I shall crack on with the list of agendad speaks from my shower:
Motivational speeches; I don’t know if it is just me, it could well be as im a true trooper when it comes to being completely abnormally different, yet sometimes I feel my jeans and the Topshop tops in 4 different colours attire may beg to differ. But after assemblys with the darlings such as Mr Thomson, a man I will always have a fondness of, or more so recently with the speech from the man whom I felt a relation to simply because he wassomethingtodowithcrosscountry and as I do hideously boast, because my life isn’t good enough to not discuss others, Richard was’ the 4th national cross country runner for under 19’s or whatever who gave a speech referring to outwards bounds but more you can change your own life, it is only you at the end of the day, along with something like ;youmaysit there wanting and wishing you were like the people who have received all of these awards, but they haven’t got it easily, although they may be better and just doing their workand therefore achieving, no one is stopping you- my interpretation is quite mixed of this but it reflected more to the point, you don’t knoQ you can have something, and nothing is impossible, following on from this there was the lady who gave the speech *dadslightlyinterpuptedmeaskingforatap,itschillyoutsidebutishouldbeoffoutthere!) at my old school presentation evening, the one where ive possibly used my ‘rpoblem’ as a reason for really the lack of, when I oit I feel achieved and don’t mind the balance of geek.. they manage to be wealthy don’t they, anyway this lady whomelhasaskedforworkexperiencewith is a very successful person, who I just adored and admired for her attitude of dowhat your good at,don’t give up sort of speech, one thing I am terrible with is dealing with the THAT’S LIFE motto
I accept it.
Understand it
Know it
Yet simply question it, I suppose I am an overquestioner- that’s right, but why.. just because but whyyyyyyyy sort of scenario.
When I was at the ‘man’ as I call him a few monads back hed ask me why, and what would be the worst thing, and I wouldn’t know an answer, but this would anger me. What I suppose I was attempting to get at whilst I was in the shower, was that at the end of the day – I want to be successful and there are so manythings I want to achieve from life. I feel this is different than wanting the latest toy from the argos catolouge or everything other people have, another element I cant deniy.,
However last year I was indeed deep in to self criticising myself, and so sometimes I just decide Im not in the wrong its just thatpersons perception, but I know im not a bad person. I Know id never hurt someone deliberately, vandilise or so on, so what angers me the most is when people possibly insult me with things such as calling me boneidle, or even when they saythings I actually know aretrue, such as I never open the gate for mum when arrive home.. lazy, something I don’t want to be like but, I am.. and you can change things, caren’t you. I am not really sure where this is going but I suppose it can be linked to the other factor, such as the why on earth when I want to be busy and so on am I doing one subject. A result of decisions I made, and yes I do changemy mind, and it’s a bit like that consequence qhere you really need to sort it. But I am at the end of the day lazyier than those I admire: therefore im not lazy!
One factor im not sure how im going to go about is all the backlog of blogging that requires to be done,
Firstly there is Africa: I hate to admit sometimes I forget I went, and the problem is I am trying to ‘regain’ my normality of life back, yet alter it, yet get frustrated and like I always say you cant live in the past. I admit I confused myself.
Then theres the numerous trips to Aberdovey, the food I will admit.
The meetings and reflections
Apologies
Far past such as y child hood
Me a few years ago
Brief mention of you know who
The future
Now as in blogs like yesterdays one
Trying to find my self
And then ones like this one now where I attempt to balance all of those,
Well see where it goes I suppose.
Right now, I am ttothetired and upset because today looked promising.
Wham it changed.

So today wasn’t productive in that many ways I suppose
However I have tidyied around 8 cupboards in the kitchen.. resulting in a diabolically messy study of all of the very important papers mum fills EVERY cupboard with, my cookbooks now have a new home, as do my cake tins.
After porridge it was the lovely pink lady and a chocolit advent treat, mum had put bacon in for Richard.. as previously mentioned but that I was left on the side and I snacked on around a small fatty rasher with browny sauce.. strange as I usual HATE brown sauce. A fruit spice oat bisquit was also consumed, and many a other riaisn grazings.
Dinenr was soup,salad,oatcake,2 normal ryvitas,mayo..the usual.
The fridge is looking daringly bare
Mum hasn’t been shopping so we are off out for tea again
I then made my fruit cinnamon loaf.. attempting to stick to a recipe but changing it
So it went from:
To something a bit like;
# 230 g Wholemeal Plain Flour
# 85 g Brown Sugar Blend
# 2 4/5 Small Egg
# 40 g Organic Sun-dried Raisins
# 40 g dried cranberries

Well, it’s tooked up in the rayburn now.. only dilema so far
i’ve used self raising flour. wooops.

we’re off out for dinner the dog and doublet i think, so it will be beef, turkey or honey roast ham.. le menu http://www.doganddoubletsandon.co.uk/resources/uploads/files/Dog%20and%20Doublet%20Sunday%20Lunch%202010.pdf
I have put my breakfast ready in the morning so i need to sort out my hair makeup for thisevening, go and decorate the tree, cleanmy teeth and make salad for in the morning.. having no berries may be a small (major problem.
We didn’t go to the dog and doublet in the end.. it was back to the one and only red lion.
I’m really getting frustrated with how i eat when i’m not particularly hungry early on and then can’t fit as much in when we were there.
The eats consisted of
mum,muscles, leek + chilli, homemade bread.
dad- sort of parsnip and honey soupwith homemade bread
rich- wild mushroom taglitelle and a poached egg
myself – the crispy duck with thai noodle salad (me and dad alternated)
Mains, myself dad and mum went for the roast beef yorkshire and roasts classic
richard went for the seabream i induldged in last nightm but with the rissotto, which boy am i glad i didn’t ask for!
i didn’t require the extra vegetables i asked for with the main either
fo’ sho.
it’s natural reflexes i suppose for substituting the roast and yorkshires.. of which i also ate.
i for strangeness of myself, had to send it to be reheated resulting in not quite so peachy, well rosey pink perfectionit but i have some crazy thermoresistant mouth i’m sure.
the tree isn’t decorated, christmas novelty wore off, but the cake is out of the oven.
My concern over being full all the time may infact be that i am eating way more,when full and the plain old calorific things that becs really wants.
Switching of calorie scanning and planning aint going to work for some reason, as i say quite fine and dandy but one day it’s got to stop.
mum and dad had the christmas pudding and creme anglaise for desert, ofcourse i nibbled and then had some fudge with the reciept.
It wasn’t a bad evening out after all. but i definetely do hate being both hungry and full!
My brother doesn’t quite understand what a blog is, and i really don’t know how to describe one.
i’m full frumpy and have school in la morning.
hoping to get into busy bee mode
christmas cards to buy and write, gifts to chose and get, a seriously important secret santa to get, manchester to visit, sadly no jack wills for me 😦 silly! and a big weekend ahead. a to do list is in order baby.

Simple Saturday

Last night i did not sleep well, in fact, if i did at all, i did however wake  quite refreshed and as i said to myself earnt many brownie points and gold stars for not only spending hours stood in the shower, having it on normal power and general not scolding temperature, bodybuttered and dressed whilst not cuddling up in a dressing gown or towel, and emptied the dishwasher whilst preparing breakfast. One thing i will say is i spend much time on the computer because of you (mr blog) and that’s one element je deteste i am afraid. I know i have a wordpress app on the BB but still! Off to get ready to go out..

Je returne,

So after the typical morning eats of porridge i set off for christmas tree purchasing avec mon pere, meeting dafny and my favourite auntie jackie whilst there, dads patience was indeed tested when i started with the ‘why have they got the tree I want and so on, also saw a girl from my school there,. it did indeed get me all childish and in the mood for christmas! The hunt for the tree was however unsuccessful and resulted in ‘would you like to go somewhere else’ ‘i don’t mind*insidei’msayingYES’* response which resulted in a momentareal sit in the car and pip horn as dad attempts to get mum to come along to the chase and i get peckish go inside for my snack which was decided on as a Jordans Apple Satsuma and Cinnamon bar, forgetting how much i don’t really like these but i undoubtably ate it anyway, along with consuming god knows how many crumbled polos from my pocket, finally we were off.. with mum following in another car behind us. On arrival i got panicky over the quantity of people looking for trees, jealous mean was highly present as it always seems i just want what i haven’t got.  Today i have come to terms with the fact there is no such thing as a perfect tree. Well, i will settle with that until i find the correct one, bring it on with my own home.

A caramel ‘cappuccino’ or so they claimed was enjoyed? well drunk at least from the food van followed by settling for the last resort tree because we all quite frankly gave up. Dad attempting to pose when being forced by his dear daughter thinking i am just doing it to show my sister, oh so wrong dearest.
After doing so we headed to Argos to get my sisters Christmas present, the one that was my idea mother and she currently is in denial i’m sure, then arriving home mum and dad both again separately in the same direction, because that’s how normal sensible planning families roll, headed to get one, a tap and the other light bulbs. Mummy did however return with some discounted outside lights that i have now put up on the bonsai trees, there is a limited amount of length to these you see.
Dad walked Eddie and tom for me as once i get lazy, i stay lazy and i spent quite some time fixing the internet, (admittedly it turned out to be what it always is, that or the cable which was in all fairness unplugged) then dad phoned my dearest red lion at Bradley to book a table and they basically told him it was available if we went straight away, oh in-between mum returning i feasted on this:

typical salad with a few added cranberries,.. i have certainly had my fair share of these all day(you will see) and prawns mayo ryvitas a side of the carrot and coriander soup i made yesterday..

after finally forcing myself to get changed i did so, i really am getting quite the pot belly i’m sure. and then we headed off to myfavouriterestaraunt. It has to be said that apart from the soup kitchen once i have had an excellent experience somewhere,  i should just leave it and remember that one, it’s a bit like when you have a perfect picture, but someone reacts it for facebook photo purposes,.. i’m not going to deny doing this myself.
Errors of my way was i didn’t walk the dogs, and okay i still need to gain a few pounds but the scenario of semi eyes bigger than belly and wanting all at once can be a pain, luckily none of the deserts took my fancy, but dad did however tell them we were ready before i had even observed the menus, a complete polar opposite to before when i had carefully selected the calories and so on within and was starving because well i was hungry ( theres two elements to that word in this situation i suppose) and so the woman therefore got a little silently annoyed when i couldn’t choose. I ONLY DIDN’T WANT TO MISS SOMETHING OKAY.
In the end i ended up with pan fried (supposed to be pigeon but apparently they had none) astronomonous pheasant breast(‘s) Served on some type of spinach new potato in a mould with glazed red currant and (complete mind blank of which type of nut) nut’s followed by the seabream which was accompanied by risotto but due to my dislike (an honest one)i substituted this, and had more veg, a tad bland i requested red currant sauce.. which i may have over indulged on. anyway, snap shots:
Mum Had duck with some type of puy lentil creamycheese y gladididn’t chose it bed and orange, more like red wine gravy, tasty duck however. and dad a typical steak, which had nice chips (i should know)

It wasn’t a terrible evening out,i think i just miss feeling hungry, and i will admit have a complete blanketed view of how i will ever stop gaining, it may be a little soon to say but i suppose it really is worrying when i don’t ‘plan’ to do so.
Credit in that i’ve mastered it, less credit in i don’t think i require the nibbles and compulsive ‘yougonnadie’ style munching.
We’ll cross that path when we reach it i suppose.

Feel a little bit funny again, but hey ho.
i feel semi normal, i suppose.

Shared a christmas kiss with mummy, should i say peck- just to be on the honest side under the mistletoe.. before it fell from it’s selotaped position.

Not sure of tomorrows plans yet, dad mentioned german market, which i didn’t hate the idea of, i think it may have taken him as long as it took me to get over the want to go outness,to start taking me out and now well, my feared lazy is coming true.

over and out sweetie pies

xxxxxx

fabulous friday

so i’ve spent many ofthe past lazy unproductive hours thinking of things to blog butn ot doing so.

*teasipandconsumptionofmy(seocnd)apple..whichimayormaynothavejustmeltedmyadventchocolateonto;)
despite hating unproductiveness; i never do anything about it 🙂
Anyway,
It really does seem, infact is entirely apparent i want a blog. i want to be a full time schooler, i want the perect hosue and body.. but i really do seem to think (despite also being fully aware it wont) it will be handed to me just like that. WRONG.
So, to tackle the ‘for g’s sake you have been unproductive and want to do it so just.. DO IT’ battle.
Lets blog!
I’m still coming to terms with the how the heck to make my blog look beauitful and work and be easy to post on like all the others i may, or may not- have just spent 2 or more hours looking at.

Because i talk for england and basically never think what im saying until i am typing: resulting in the currently present problem of not typing and talking and living fast enough.
Today was supposed to be one of those get up, walk to bus, drop cv of at soup kitchen (job*fingerscrossed*walk to school wonder why on earth i am no longer there and yes. but it wasn’t.. it also hasn’t been a tidy room, walk dogs, be productive day.,
so what it has a been? (Don’t ask me education face)

a reflection day let’s say that!

Right so, this blog (which WILL be classified as a succesfully funcitoning one by, well tomorrow :/) has been something i always prepare for, just never do i.e my laptop is now dead and i have all the material i wanted (photos) for it, and thoughts thankfulness and forgiveness reflections which i sadly i suppose havelost record of, but no more, even if i develop a belly from doing so.

I think it makes more sense to do the whole about me page.. so we will do that.

It is however approaching lunch time, and despite 2 apples(they were petit i’m sure and the one with my advent chocolate possibly melted on.. shhhh!) i’m peckish and wanted will make some carrot and corriander soup for ones dinner, sadly not accompanied by wholemeal, homemade bread, but that’s my own silly doings

so i will now waste a little bit mroe time finding the ‘recipe’ i want and as per usual reformingto theone i always do/ or not doing so because i can’t bear the hunger any long.

teheee.

littlenotetoself; family page. pet page. friends page. me page. love page. photos. pre logging.current blogging .recipes. dats that.

 

SPEAK SOON

xoxoxo

Tuesday 7th December

For the first time, possibly ever, i set my alarm for 6:40 am.. needless to say okay i Still didn’t leave my haven of a bed (which i still require new covers for) until 7am, then i spent quite some time debating on plaiting my hair.. doing so and then resorting to the typical bun up do, Showering for 20 minutes.. despite the fact i wasn’t washing my hair, bodybuttering.. Oh and i also removed the nail varnish from my toe nails (well what was left of it) and now require to repaint them.. anyway i then spent some time faffing with my eyelashes (technically ‘makeup’ stage of the morning routine) followed by applying my firming butter.. which smells like something medical which i now forget so  i will therefore inform you when i apply the such product in the morning.

Having attended to certain morning routines i then  put on my new topshop tights (the ones mum bought in an attempt to get the free delivery but didn’t anyway because of student discount).. finally no ladders. WOOP

Downstairs i got the salad (made the day before ofc)..  my Jaspers bakery granary bread out of the freezer (meet my: why have preservatives you dont need.. despite the fact i eat junk food! yeah.. what! defrosted and applied prawns and mayo. then packed the empty strawberry punnet with my pink lady.. today was conversion day.  ryvita thin, worthers, bisquit, cereal bar and toffee crisp. Then the water and multivitamins was consumed, and finally the most important factor of every morning porridge production: not quite as succesful as  other days i have to say, it involved the sieve.. but ended okay with far too many blueberries.

Half consumed in normality rush styled ; half put into my starbucks carton take out cup.. which i am developing quite a (disgusting) collection of, i confess.. dirty ones within my locker.

And ate on the bus.

Today i wore my new cape 🙂 love it! makes me feel oh so londonish.

So off to school it was, Ellie had made cookies.. score.Sat in the front of the mini bus as always, Bill (mini bus driver) said how beautiful he found the soso frozen trees. Agreed ‘like driving into a postcard’ which i don’t think you could have described much better than! Can’t believe i haven’t been out with my camera yet.. it is dead though, well not now thankfully have charged it ever so  slightly.

Anyway, arrived at school,. Late but its okay as i get a school mini bus (yes the one i perhaps made late by coming down the drive a minute or too late..) assembly was not on anyway! so we returned back down then faffed ( me and Sandeep) then headed up to business.

Mr Green; My business teacher.

Had business studies, in which.. mr green went off track going on all about firstly his childrensprimary disco and secondly his brother. haha. this always humours me.

then across the yard to the art room. My paintbrush collection i spent quite so long perfecting whilst at the unloved NGHS.(old school) has deflated and i guess i appeared somewhat paranoid by mithering but sorry. Anyway i hadnt been in art in quite some time and nothing felt different or like i’d been away: possibly reflecting lack of work prior, during and now.

Sh. had quite a bit of hyperness.. off down for luncheo then i had 2 frees, discovered there was no milk also. It’s a Tuesday.. i mean seriously unacceptable. If i were a member of the new sixthform team my OCD tidiness would reflect perfectly and  i would have a beautiful badge but anyway i don’t.

Attended registration then pondered, ate a biscuit, drank a black tea and then left to walk into town..

 on my way mittens were firmly attached but the tweet worthy admit i love him like i loved mr Thompson.. Mr Darley (My Head Master) Drove Past in the landrover my dad owned for a week and and Waved at ME yes not that big a deal but i liked it. Waving back in a somewhat hilareous fashion as he had passed and i looked, like what i remember of some of the little children chasing the safari truck and so on in Africa this summer.

In town i debated on Starbucks
( i hadn’t been since London trip.. and i know why, but i did make the decision to attend because urm megahot guy was on the tills, sadly his Grande Skinny Toffee Nut cappuccino didn’t confirm to what i class as a decent, well preferential taste in coffee. but anyway, I got ridicouously  broody due to 2 or more mothers and babys, they were (of fair wealth) MILFS. doesn’t help. after copying up some dismal notes pretending im of some form of importance i headed to the bus stop where i waited a while for the 481 and then headed to my hometown. Off the bus i spent quite some time in ‘fresh and local’ sourcing a New baby girl card (which reminds me it is in my bag, i mean folder, still) Walked home in the be-autiful scenery and then headed into the house being fairly productive getting changed imediately, however since then i am now sat down after spending quite some time pondering over recipes as always then deciding to take it upon myself to russel up the concoction of:

Sweet potato, Carrot, Mushroom, Cabbage, Sweet Pepper, Red kidney beans, tinned tomatoes, courgette, fine green beans, some spring greens, tumeric, cinnamon, ginger, curry powder and garam masala.. which left me overflowingly full.

prior to this i had my tea too, with the remainder of the orange and chocolate cookie i previously mentioned from Ellie,.

and possibly a whole tomato some raw mushrooms 2 coffees and chicken because i was SHTARVING

dinner consumed i came through to the living room for daily indulgence of  Emmerdale, eastenders, emmerdale, corrie corrie

Throughout which i consumed some low fat waitrose vanilla custard, bear granola, baked beans, lidnt dark intense mint, i mean incense? all the sultanas from a fruit cake and.. another 2 (3)(decaff)coffees.

So yes, thats that.

I like to ramble like this.

Things were good today because yesterday i was productive,i do / am wondering if they will be equally tomorrow because well i have been productive today.

what baffles me, im so picky about bread and pasta but i will eat any old bisquits cookies and so on.mm i know.

rightio.

OH ALSO. my laptop is working 😀

right over and out for 5 xxxxxxxxxx